Madness Attacks! The Super Shinobi
by Radiant Falcon
Summary: Joe Musashi has to go through a lot of crap on a daily basis. This time, he has to save his fiancee from the clutches of Neo Zeed. It may appear like a simple novelization, but just you wait. There's more going on in the ninja world than you know. Inspired by LazerTH and starring ninjas; you never know what happens when madness attacks... (Round 1)
1. round-1

_**Radiant Falcon  
**_ _ **Madness Attacks! The Super Shinobi**_

 **Anyone who knows me knows that I'll tell you that LazerTH's Madness Attacking the Head Slowly series of parodies of PS1 Mega Man X games are brilliant. Not just a simple novelization, the series tears apart what you know and what you think you know about the Mega Man X series; replacing it with the reality that yes, the events of the PS1 Mega Man X games were outlandish. Good reads, those, and I highly suggest giving them a looksee, including his most recent Pokemon Platinum satire.**

 **What I've done is write this highly definitive Shinobi novelization very similar to MATHS, in that typical Radiant Falcon style I've been practicing for the past nine or so years. It's about a video game, in particular the Super Shinobi (or perhaps you know of it as The Revenge of Shinobi). As those of you who played the original version of the game know, there's a lot of copyright infringement. So that's why this story is in the Crossovers section, rather than in the Shinobi section proper. This means a lot of Rambos, a fair amount of Spiderman (who, little known fact, is also _Batman_ ), a Terminator who assimilated the Hulk, a mini-Godzilla, and of course the guy from Kabuki Quantum Fighter as main villain Zeed.**

 **No, none of that is made up. There really was Rambo, Godzilla, Terminator, Spiderman, Batman, and a kabuki guy in the original release of Revenge. Don't believe me? Look it up.**

* * *

" _He is stronger than steel, and moves faster than a whirlwind._

 _Sometimes he hides in mud, other times he alters shape like an ever changing cloud._

 _Although his fighting spirit burns like fire, his mind is calm as still water."_

 _~violation of the commandments~_

 _should shinobi fail before completing the mission, he will appear before the dawn and vanish forever._

 _Keep this knowledge in your heart and mind_

 _-from the secret manual of Oboro Clan Ninjutsu_

The mysterious Oboro Clan has some closely guarded secrets. Secrets that would be very dangerous if the wrong hands found them. The demonic soultaking katana Akujiki and the forbidden ninja art Mijin no Jutsu are two good examples. Their best kept secret, however, is one clad in the last thing ninjas would wear. Being the most powerful ninja in existence, Joe Musashi has earned the white _dogi_ of the Ninja Master, but ever since the rise of Neo Zeed, the world was constantly at risk. Especially since they deliberately targeted him. Kill almost his entire clan? Not cool. Kill his master Washizuka Kobushi? Definitely not cool. Kidnapping his fiancee Naoko? Now you've done pissed Joe Musashi off. And if there's one thing you _don't_ do, it's anger the Ninja Master.

This was his thoughts as he made explode at least five black-clad ninjas of the Black Spider clan, a organization allied with ZEED and by extension Neo Zeed. Though their main enemies were that of the Hayabusa clan, they still harbored hostility towards the Oboro, the Shiranui, the Mugen Tenshin, really anyone else besides themselves. Since the Hayabusa clan's star ninja Ryu wasn't quite ready, and Mai Shiranui was an up and comer in the Fatal Fury circuit on the other side of the world, there really wasn't a whole lot of ninjas to go around. Which was convenient, because ZEED's main enemy was the Oboro clan, and in particular the gray-clad young ninja Joe Musashi. When ZEED fell in 197X, thanks to Joe's bravery and skill, the Oboro became a shinobi superpower. Joe was 16 at the time, then dating Naoko Tenzai of the new Tenzai Ninja clan. Now that Joe was 26, the two were about to get married.

And then Neo Zeed struck. Joe was away at a conference held in America at the time, and when he returned to the Oboro clan village tucked away in the forests near Fujiyama, _everything was gone_. Seems as if the Oboro couldn't handle Neo Zeed, having murdered nearly everyone there (not even the women and children were spared, though some made it out of the village), and with the alliance of the Black Spider, it seemed as if they were unstoppable. And they stole Joe's girl. They may have also looted the village for Akujiki and the scroll of Mijin, but Akujiki was with another Oboro ninja named Hotsuma; and Joe was the only one who knew the art of Mijin, partially the reason why it was forbidden to begin with. It may also have something to do with absorbing part of the user's soul and expelling it to deal serious piercing damage to everyone not pure of heart. If someone didn't have the mental willpower to survive the explosion, they would quite simply die. Joe was the only one left who knew it, because as a child he snuck into the Oboro Clan Jutsu Archive and learned its secret: Words have power. It wasn't the hand movements that did it, contrary to what a certain ninja anime would tell you. That was just for show. Most of the Oboro Jutsus required a chant, and the hand movements were really unnecessary, yet they were integrated because they looked cool.

But there was no need for that now as the Black Spider clan was no match for Joe's kunai. The box he got them from called them shuriken, but Joe knew better; as they were throwing knives, rather than stars. These particular kunai handles were slim, and the blade itself was wide yet tapered off towards the tip, with a crescent moon design etched into the blade. This design was imprinted to imbue these kunai with powers not seen in normal kunai, such as the ability to turn into an explosive when thrown. They weren't hard to block, and that's where Joe's sword came in. Forged out of the steel of a hundred other swords, this katana had natural chi built into the sword (as one onlooker described it, it contained the souls of the hundred wielders of the hundred swords that comprised it). Joe made it his mission to dull the blade by extensive use to prove that even magical swords could get dull, a mission that was undermined by Joe's constant use of kunai in his hand to hand style.

Finally, after making his way to the his master's house, he saw a rather tall samurai type. He was clad in blue armor, and carried two pincer claws rather than a katana of some sort. This was the Blue Lobster. "Zeed sent you to kill me, yes?" Joe asked the samurai.

"Tis nothing personal, master ninja. Tis merely business."

"You've made it personal."

"How, pray tell?"

"Your allies took my girl. I think I have every right to make it personal."

"It matters not anyway; my armor is impenetrable. If you think you can strike me down, you are welcome to try."

As much as Joe hated to admit it, the Blue Lobster was right. He'd heard rumors that kunai were ineffective against his armor. The head was also fairly protected, with a helmet covering everything but the face. 'the face... that's it!' the white-clad master ninja realized. The ninja jumped high, and threw eight of his kunai in a fan pattern. This staggered the samurai, and gave Joe an opening to attack, so he slashed at the Blue Lobster's armor using his katana.

"Very good, master ninja. I see you have discovered a chink in my armor. However, it will not help you. As my armored cousin from the west once said, 'tis but a scratch."

"You tell your armored cousin from the west that a scratch is enough."

A horizontal slash later, and the Blue Lobster was wounded. "You are a worthy adversary indeed, master ninja. Tell me, what do they call you?"

"I am a shining force in the darkness; a warrior that will not falter in his mission. I am the hope of all that are hopeless. My fighting spirit is that of the storm, my mind is that of the calm. Good's greatest weapon, evil's worst nightmare. They call me White Phantom, of the Clan Oboro." Joe had practiced his monologue for five years now, just waiting for a chance to say it aloud to the villains of the world. Just in case someone discovers his true name, Joe had created a nickname for himself. It was originally Gray Ghost, until he received the white _dogi._

"You sure your name isn't Joe Musashi?"

So much for the monologue. "erm... yes. Yes it is. How could you tell?"

"A samurai must keep his sources secret, yes?"

"Very noble of you. Where's your boss?"

"At the last I've heard, he was going to one of those raves you kids talk so much about."

"Thank you, now I must kill you."

One final kunai to the face, and the Blue Lobster exploded. Typical samurai. So much talk about honor, but when it came down to it, they couldn't tell a lie if they tried. "Still, I wonder how much influence Neo Zeed has over other ninja clans. First the Black Spiders, now the Blue Lobster. I hope the Clan of the Red Echidna doesn't hear about this, otherwise there really will be trouble."

-EYECATCH-


	2. round-2

_**Radiant Falcon**_

 _ **Madness Attacks! The Super Shinobi**_

 **In which Joe Musashi encounters the enigmatic Shadow Dancer, the second boss.**

Joe Musashi, the unseen face of the Oboro Ninja clan, was many things. Handsome, powerful, married (kinda, his fiancee Naoko was recently kidnapped by Neo Zeed), but he was rarely lost. Joe had a fair sense of direction. He knew he was heading for the Flying Dragon Nightclub, a hangout whose owner had ties with Neo Zeed. Getting there was another story, as he didn't own a car and mostly used public transportation in this day and age. More anonymity, less chance of detection, even less people that noticed there was a famous ninja on their bus these days. He rode a horse most of the time (a gray mare by the name of Shiren), but Shiren wasn't the fastest horse alive, and more importantly Shiren was lent to some video game company as a model for their horse racing game. What was that game named again? Final Furlong?

At any rate, that meant that Joe had to walk. It would take a normal person three days to get there, but there was a shortcut going through the waterfalls that shaved a day and a half off that. That is, if you were a normal person. Joe, however, was a ninja, and an Oboro ninja at that. The rules applied differently. He had used the criminally underused ancient instant waypoint transmission system known as "fast travel" to the waterfalls. The fortunate thing was there was no significant ninja threat yet. The bad news was that there was always a chance of flying ninjas. Which just so happened to be the case. Said ninjas were also Black Spider members, who were bearing bat wings. One of the winged warriors of the shadows spotted the white-clad ninja, during his ascent up the waterfalls."There he is!" said one future casualty. Another remarked "white _dogi_ , red bracers and shin-guards, that's him alright. Should we capture him or..."

"Don't be hasty and/or silly. Zeed gave us specific instructions to kill him on sight. Let's fly down there one man at a time!"

"Shouldn't we ambush him up top?"

"Nonsense! Ambushing people is not our way."

About five to ten Black Spider clan members died that day due to pure tactical stupidity.

Reaching the city of Nightfall was a fairly easy task since ninjas, martial artists, and card-carrying assassins of all kinds used the city as a home base most of the time. Joe had visited a few times, mostly for supplies and ninpo art scrolls to add to the Oboro Clan Jutsu Archive. The Flying Dragon was on the other side of town, but Joe knew there were bound to be a a few Neo Zeed allies, some Black Spiders, maybe a Lin Kuei ninja or two between there and where he was. What he was certain of was that there were likely not going to be any allies of the Oboro. Most of the traffic that comes through this site couldn't care less about them, and mostly kept to themselves.

Joe decided to take to the rooftops. Usually, when one takes the high road, they miss a great deal of what's below them. This happened to be not be the case. Joe's understanding was twofold: first, the Oboro Ninja clan tended to not get involved with other ninja clans. Joe was an exception, as he was betrothed to a kunoichi of the recently-established Tenzai clan. This was because, as previously stated, Nightfall wasn't a nice place. Secondly, Joe understood that one could see the whole city up top, and the Flying Dragon's sign was on their roof.

Eventually, he reached the place. He dropped down from a height which should probably kill him (or at least break several of his bones and fracture the rest), but Oboro ninja were trained to survive falls of that nature. The bouncer at the door was neither amused nor impressed. He stated in a low tone, "You're not on the list." Joe replied "There's a list?"

"Yeah, and you're not on it."

"I'm here on behalf of the Blue Lobster."

"Never heard of him. Now scram."

Evidently this bouncer was new to the area. "I'm searching for Neo Zeed."

"Aren't we all? You've got to the count of ten to beat it before I call security."

The bouncer got only as far as three before he was thrown across the wall into the rave itself. The room had already went past rave territory and into uber mosh pit status, so any reaction out of the party goers was not only not going to be noticed, but as far as they were concerned, that was just the show. A lone ninja, garbed in fluorescent green, appeared as if from nowhere from the mosh pit. Evidently _he_ noticed. Joe saw this highly visible ninja and asked, "Who are you?"

"They call me the Shadow Dancer; the coolest cat on the block! I dunno what you're doing here, but I'd highly suggest you beat it if you don't want to be the center of attention!"

"That's what the guy out front told me. Look what happened to him."

the Dancer took a look at the fallen bouncer. He then looked squarely in Joe's eyes. "You did that to Bruno?"

"He told me I wasn't on the list. Evidently the Blue Lobster wasn't a name he recognized. Ring a bell to you?"

"That samurai cat? Yeah. I know 'im. What of it?"

"He told me that I'd find you here, Shadow Dancer. Where's Naoko?"

"If you mean that gal in the pink kimono, she's up at the ZEED labyrinth. I highly doubt you'll make it there in one piece, though! There's some seriously bad dudes between here and there."

"I'll take that as a challenge."

"If you want to get out of here without disturbing the rest of Nightfall, brah, you're gonna get past me."

The Shadow Dancer performed a stylish pose by lifting his arm, disco-style. Joe responded by throwing kunai at the boss's hand, which should have killed him then and there, but in case you weren't paying attention, we're talking about Ninjas. The rules applied differently. "Yo, man. Not cool." the Shadow Dancer responded to Joe's action by jumping and throwing four-pointed shuriken at the opposing Oboro ninja. Said ninja deftly dodged and brandished his chi-enhanced katana, deflecting another round of shuriken. "I hope you're ready to step off the dance floor." Joe leapt into the air and slashed at the Shadow Dancer. He did not take it well.

"Are you seriously screwing with me, man?" the green ninja asked. Joe replied "Word of advice. If you're called 'Shadow Dancer', you ought to blend in better. Bright green isn't a good idea."

"Brah, at least I'm not wearing white. What bet did _you_ lose?"

Joe narrowed his eyes. "Low blow, bro.", he calmly stated, and threw a singular kunai at the Shadow Dancer, who dodged in the same way a bad singer would dodge rotten tomatoes. For his trouble, the dancer received one enormous gash on the knee. "Should I go for the other knee or will you tell me what I need to know?" Joe inquired. "This is just a flesh wound! I'll be back on the dance floor before you know it, brah!" the Shadow Dancer immediately pulled out a small spherical item. Joe Musashi raised an eyebrow. "You're going to heal yourself with a super-ball?"

"Nah, man, this is a flare bomb! Imma blind ya, and get away!"

Joe, perhaps not dissimilarly to the bouncer he straight up murdered not thirty seconds ago, wasn't impressed or amused. He threw one of his kunai at the ball, which exploded as the Shadow Dancer threw it to the floor, thereby blinding the bright green ninja. "YEAAAAAAARGH I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE USED MAGANESE!" he shouted without much use of enunciation. Joe Musashi simply walked away, satisfied in the knowledge that the Shadow Dancer was a moron. "WAIT!" the aforementioned green dancing machine exclaimed. "YOU'LL NEED TO DO BETTER THAN THAT IF YOU WANT TO TAKE DOWN ALNORD!"

"Alnord? Arnold?"

-EYECATCH-


End file.
